Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Living life backwards

Some times I miss the old me..........The new me or the current me, well is a little unmotivated and confused. I have spent the last year in a confused state. You know what they say............if you don't know what you want, just stand still until it comes to you..............well I've pretty much been standing here for a year. Still waiting..........hello, anyone out there, universe............hello...........yes I am here, show me a sign, what is my next move.

Do I stay here or move somewhere else, I like it here, it's warm, I have a great group of friends

I like (don't love) my job, mostly because it does not provide me with the financial stability I need and want. Oh yeah and the craziness that I deal with most days...........I feel so torn between 2 worlds, the country girl that I was back home and the Guera that I am known as here, speaking 2 languages fluently and living here as the "Guera" (for those of you who don't speak Spanish, Guera means light skinned girl.

It's so strange, I have made packing lists half a dozen times, even went as far as to call my brother and sister in law a few months ago to see if they would take my cat and let him live on the farm with them back home. I know crazy right.

But here I sit, in my palace (not really but I love my little Mexican place and the view is super chido!) on the hill 5 blocks from the lapping waves of the Pacific Ocean, in such a beautiful paradise........why would I leave.

I had the thought the other day, hey I figured it out, "I am living my life backwards." Most people work all their lives skimp and save to buy a house here and live out their final years.......Nope not me, I moved here at 23 and here I sit at 30.

1 comment:

  1. I just watched Eat Pray Love, and ever since I read the book it's reminded me of you...if you haven't seen it...you should! Chan you are right, everyone dreams of living 5 blocks from the beach and what you have right now is amazing, although you feel an empty void or a sense of lost please remember to soak it all in every day...I love to live vicariously through you :)--keep up the great blog!